She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
