What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
