I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
