I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
