Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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