He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
