You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
