Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
