seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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