Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
