so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
