when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
