plz talk dirty to me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
