she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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