I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
