Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
