I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize