I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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