I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
