He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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