Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think I sprained my soul last night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
