why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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