the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
