Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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