Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
