Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
