Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
