shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
