the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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