omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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