We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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