when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
