i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
