Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
