It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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