Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
