I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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