I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
