hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Everyone says I win the strip club
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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