I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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