i don't plan on having that self control this summer
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
