so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
