apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
