That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
