My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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