: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
