We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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