i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
