I think I am morally bankrupt
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize