I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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