You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
