I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I deserve this hangover.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
