we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
