I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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