I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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