Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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