it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
