I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
