absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
