was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
