He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
