She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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