Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
