I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
