some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize