You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
