Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
