i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
