No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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