i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
