So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
