I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dick very happy bro
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
