none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
