and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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