Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
