I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
