Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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