i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
