oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
