just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
