I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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