like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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