If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize