What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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