i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
