someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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