My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Welp...herpes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
