he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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