two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
