The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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