i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
