he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
