Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
