i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
