Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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