so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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