the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
they're like a gay fantastic four
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
