I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
love makes seman taste better
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize