And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
